"While the bombardment was knocking the trench to pieces at Fossalta, he lay very flat and sweated and prayed oh jesus christ get me out of here. Dear jesus please get me out. Christ please please please christ. If you'll only keep me from getting killed I'll do anything you say. I believe in you and I'll tell every one in the world that you are the only one that matters. Please please dear jesus. The shelling moved further up the line. We went to work on the trench and in the morning the sun came up and the day was hot and muggy and cheerful and quiet. The next night back at Mestre he did not tell the girl he went upstairs with at the Vill Rossa about Jesus. And he never told anybody."

-Hemingway

the sun's out. I can see the mountains from my little coffee shop that has become my second home (its probably 100 yds from my apartment and has free wireless while I have no internet at my apt.). It's a stereotypical gorgeous day here in Denver. Honestly, I don't think Colorado knows what yucky weather looks like. There have been maybe 2 overcast days here all summer. And when it thunderstorms, it rains for maybe 20 minutes and then the sky is blue.



But there's a piece of me that craves the overcast, rainy day where I sit cozy at home wrapped in a blanket or curled up in bed with my school books. I remember the same sentiments when I came home from India. I was in Nebraska on my way back to Ohio and I sat in this random coffee shop, sipping coffee as it poured outside--it felt like home. I'm strange I know.



But this train of thought pulled my mind back to India. It sort of feels like a dream. It sort of feels like some story that I read somewhere one time--I can remember the main points of the story, but it feels like someone else's adventure. It's getting hard to remember the squeltering heat, the intensity of accidentally chomping on a chili pepper, and the noise of 11 million people. I know it factually, but I have to be deliberate about remembering. And then it's even more difficult to remember the horror stories, the reality of the situation there. Occassionally I have a great conversation that keeps me from ignoring that truth, and I need those conversations. I can't afford to lose that year of my life to apathy. It's funny how easily apathy comes, though--how intentional one has to be in warding it off. It's amazing how easy it is to slip in a routine and live as if you don't know better. This is sadly a lesson that I have to be taught an embarrassing number of times.

The theme of the summer: Mountains

So I'm pretty delayed on reflecting on my summer. The first, say, 3 weeks were CRAZY. But now life has calmed down significantly. I mean, I actually have a life, which is saying something.

Two of my favorite girls after our last neuro exam :)

But lets start with the very beginning. The day after my last exam of my first year of medical school (YES I passed my first year, and am officially an M2) I headed to Colorado. I should clarify that I obviously celebrated on Friday night and didn't get to sleep untill late. And then was wide awake at 5am (unintentionally, seeing as it was my first day of summer). Then drove something like 15 hours. My brother came with me, as he's always wanted to visit Denver. So we hung out here for a few days, then flew back to Ohio together (I basically needed to drop my car off so it would be here when I got back from Ecuador).-- (pictures from my day adventuring at Pike's Peak-Rocky Mountains)


From there, I drove with 96 of the Chapel's finest down to Gatlinburg, TN. It was gorgeous and an incredible conference. Well... I pretty much enjoyed being surrounded by Christians, the leader bonding and getting to know the students! Waterfall in the Smoky Mountains

I had been trying desperately for the previous month to "get my life together" and "figure stuff out." To get back to a place where I thought I should be and have my life look like I always imagined it would look. It was a pretty painful few weeks, as a couple of my dear friends can attest. But something switched when we were in Tennessee. Not that I have my life together now, or anything. But I actually felt peace. I gained a security to enjoy the journey instead of stressing about where I felt I should be, or where people expected me to be. And for the first time in a long time, I felt like myself again. I could elaborate on this, but will spare you.

Now Ecuador. Or, in honor of my previous trip there: Ecu-ador. We were only in country for a few days, which is a new experience for me. But the students were phenomenal. They stepped up and made the most of every second. I was incredibly proud of them. I could talk a lot about the work we did while we were down there. But instead I want to discuss the difference of being a leader. Going along with my strange few months prior to leaving, I was nervous about functioning in a leader capacity. But it went shockingly smoothly, and I'm excited about the relationships that opened up while I was there and can't wait to continue investing in them when I get back to Ohio. View from one of our work-sites: Andes Mountains

the difference.

hour 53 of being at school since Monday....

Obviously my mind starts going after awhile, so I'm going to record my contemplations for the two dear friends who read this :)

I decided to listen to a music CD that my old youth pastor had put together of Spanish songs--all in preparation for Ecuador. I listened to these same tracts when I was 16 and 17 years old getting ready to embark on some of my first international experiences. For some reason, as it played in the background, I flashed back to the perspective I had on life during my high school days. I remembered what I thought my life would look like, what I thought I wanted in life, and who I thought I'd become.

And here, right now, as I sit in a silent library I don't feel like I'm the person that 17 year old girl imagined I'd be. I went from a 'calling overseas' to a passion for policy and politics. I went from having my entire social circle as Christians, to having only a small core group of Christian friends. The image I had of "my type" of guy has become jaded. My priorities and perspectives on life have shifted. I've lost my naivety and am comfortable in situations that caused me unmeasurable stress 4 years ago.

It hasn't been that long, but why have I changed that much? And what's going to keep me from migrating further from my goals and passions in life? What will keep me grounded and where do I draw the line?

All this begs the question: "Am I compromising what I really desired, or am I finally starting to realize where I should be going in life instead of living in a path of expectations?"