The theme of the summer: Mountains

So I'm pretty delayed on reflecting on my summer. The first, say, 3 weeks were CRAZY. But now life has calmed down significantly. I mean, I actually have a life, which is saying something.

Two of my favorite girls after our last neuro exam :)

But lets start with the very beginning. The day after my last exam of my first year of medical school (YES I passed my first year, and am officially an M2) I headed to Colorado. I should clarify that I obviously celebrated on Friday night and didn't get to sleep untill late. And then was wide awake at 5am (unintentionally, seeing as it was my first day of summer). Then drove something like 15 hours. My brother came with me, as he's always wanted to visit Denver. So we hung out here for a few days, then flew back to Ohio together (I basically needed to drop my car off so it would be here when I got back from Ecuador).-- (pictures from my day adventuring at Pike's Peak-Rocky Mountains)


From there, I drove with 96 of the Chapel's finest down to Gatlinburg, TN. It was gorgeous and an incredible conference. Well... I pretty much enjoyed being surrounded by Christians, the leader bonding and getting to know the students! Waterfall in the Smoky Mountains

I had been trying desperately for the previous month to "get my life together" and "figure stuff out." To get back to a place where I thought I should be and have my life look like I always imagined it would look. It was a pretty painful few weeks, as a couple of my dear friends can attest. But something switched when we were in Tennessee. Not that I have my life together now, or anything. But I actually felt peace. I gained a security to enjoy the journey instead of stressing about where I felt I should be, or where people expected me to be. And for the first time in a long time, I felt like myself again. I could elaborate on this, but will spare you.

Now Ecuador. Or, in honor of my previous trip there: Ecu-ador. We were only in country for a few days, which is a new experience for me. But the students were phenomenal. They stepped up and made the most of every second. I was incredibly proud of them. I could talk a lot about the work we did while we were down there. But instead I want to discuss the difference of being a leader. Going along with my strange few months prior to leaving, I was nervous about functioning in a leader capacity. But it went shockingly smoothly, and I'm excited about the relationships that opened up while I was there and can't wait to continue investing in them when I get back to Ohio. View from one of our work-sites: Andes Mountains

the difference.

hour 53 of being at school since Monday....

Obviously my mind starts going after awhile, so I'm going to record my contemplations for the two dear friends who read this :)

I decided to listen to a music CD that my old youth pastor had put together of Spanish songs--all in preparation for Ecuador. I listened to these same tracts when I was 16 and 17 years old getting ready to embark on some of my first international experiences. For some reason, as it played in the background, I flashed back to the perspective I had on life during my high school days. I remembered what I thought my life would look like, what I thought I wanted in life, and who I thought I'd become.

And here, right now, as I sit in a silent library I don't feel like I'm the person that 17 year old girl imagined I'd be. I went from a 'calling overseas' to a passion for policy and politics. I went from having my entire social circle as Christians, to having only a small core group of Christian friends. The image I had of "my type" of guy has become jaded. My priorities and perspectives on life have shifted. I've lost my naivety and am comfortable in situations that caused me unmeasurable stress 4 years ago.

It hasn't been that long, but why have I changed that much? And what's going to keep me from migrating further from my goals and passions in life? What will keep me grounded and where do I draw the line?

All this begs the question: "Am I compromising what I really desired, or am I finally starting to realize where I should be going in life instead of living in a path of expectations?"

My first half-marathon

Saturday's Ecuador Team Training. The lawn in front of the church. 16 of us with 16 pipes. And 5 marbles to transfer through the pipe to the little pink bowl 100 yards away. The goal? 100% team work. As the exercise progressed and we finally realized that we can bring the pink bowl to the marble instead of the other way around, the new question was "what does teamwork look like? does 100% teamwork mean 100% involvement?" In the end, just 4 members of the team were actually involved in the task while the rest of us cheered them on. Did we have 100% teamwork questioned one of the students.

Sunday morning. 7AM. Cleveland, OH. Probably 6,000 people running through the streets of Cleveland as we navigated a half or whole marathon. "Running is an individual sport" I was told in high school, "not a team event." but there they were. Hundreds of friends and family members lining the streets and turns of the routes, screaming encouragement, waving signs, and clanging their cowbells. "Run, [insert your name], Run" read one sign. And I promptly refocused and increased my pace. "Stay focused! You can do this!" screamed a random stranger in my direction. And I focused. and I ran. I don't know these people and they don't know me, but their encouragement and excitement kept my legs moving when I just wanted to walk. Our natural reaction as humans is to downplay the importance of those in a support position. "Why aren't you the one running?" would be the reaction. But it never is. As we finished the 12th mile, my friend commented, "If only these people were out every day, I could run more all the time!"

If only we, in the church, encouraged each other and cheered each other on every day, then we could accomplish more for him.

beauty in the tedious

I have spent a ridiculous amount of time the last 3 weeks learning every bump on this brain (you think it's all random, but no, they all have names!) and every function of every one of those bumps. Every nuclei in the brainstem and the pathways of the cranial nerves through those nuclei and back up to the brain and down to control movement and sensation. And I was frustrated and bored beyond belief. I couldn't learn it and I couldn't see the big picture and I was pretty much just angry at the brain. Come on, WHY does it have to be so complicated?

Yesterday, however, I was laying in bed trying to will myself to get up so I could commence my marathon study day. As I laid there going in and out of consciousness between snoozed alarms, it hit me. I remembered why I loved medical school, and undergrad and all my crazy science classes. Somehow this spring I forgot how lucky I am. I get to spend every day for the rest of my life studying and appreciating the intricacies of God's creation.

That "blob" of gray matter is a sea of intricate pathways of creation that allow me to be me and you to be you. A non-descript and frustratingly detailed system is beautiful. And all those stupid nuclei that I've been killing myself to remember, are the reason that I am breathing and moving and thinking and relating.

I've noticed this trend in Christianity to make everything ambiguous in the name of spirituality (speaking of which, did you know that the nuclei that is responsible for speech and swallowing is your Nucleus Ambiguus?). We like big pictures and general concepts and ideals and not to get into the nitty gritty details. But when I think about how God created, he didn't create in ambiguous concepts--the reason we're alive is because of his precision and order. How should this impact how we seek God and how we study his word?

This never ceases to amaze me, and thankfully serves and a reminder of why I'm in the field I'm in and keeps me from entering too far into the cynicism that my hermit-lifestyle starts to produce.