Home

How quickly a place becomes home. 3 years. I’ve only been in this white-walled apartment for 3 years, but it’s the place that I’m comfortable. I’ve gotten so spoiled with getting to come home and sit on the floor of my best friend’s room while we talk about our days and life. Our messy cupboards are evidence of a busy kitchen. A wreath is always on our door. My roommate makes our house festively Christmasy every December. I love thelong walks around the neighborhood that have built some of my dearest friendships through discussions on family, faith, and past and future. The impromptu roommate dinners and movie nights. The particular spot on the particular couch where I do my devotions each morning. The windowsill that the cat perches on. Lily and Gil racetracking around the living room, stealing each other’s food and their perfect ‘sibling’ relationship. My long runs on winding, hilly roads in rural Ohio with the cars and the cows.

But when it comes down to it, I can’t believe that in a few short months my roommate of 3 years will be in Columbus… Iam going to miss telling her basically about everything in my life. I’m going to miss the level of community and friendship. I went to see my apartment for next year and am so stoked about the roommates I’ll have and they are a total God-send. Such a blessing and I think it’ll foster great friendships! And I’m beyond excited about how it all worked out so quickly. But as I stared at my new ‘resident application’ I was sobered to think about all that will change over the next 6 months.

Little children

So.. after my first day of 8 weeks of pediatrics, I can say almost with certainty that pediatrics is not my passion. I like kids in real life. just not in the medical field. The commotion during the history, the crying when you're doing a physical exam, and not actually being able to talk with most of them... when it comes to medical stuff, I just think I like adults.

I found myself fascinated by the parents today:

The father who I immediately judged as I walked in the room by his loosely fitting pants perilously hanging from his hips, the long hair and the unsmiling demeanor. But as I watched him throughout the interview I was impressed with how loving a father he was. He seemed to always know what his nonverbal daughter needed~he suctioned her airways, he managed the feeding tubes and he lifted her weak body into his arms to hold her safely to himself. I saw his stressed and sick child crumple peacefully in the security of his arms.

Another mother came in with her 4 year old daughter. She was a single mom, frazzled, sleepless with dark rings around the eyes on her bare face. Her hair pulled back in the pony tail that tells the tale of a woman with no time for herself. She was harassed and short tempered and had unending exhaustion. I wanted to take her aside and know how she was doing. How she was holding up in the chaos of her life... And I wondered what happens when she lost her last straw of sanity...

I think I would be a pretty sucky pediatrician.

missing home

Its in the moments where I'm alone in the quiet that the gnawing, pulling ache sets in. That desire to be far away. In all the chaos that was India, there was some strange quiet and peace to my life there... a peace and rest that I can't remember experiencing in my childhood, and most certainly haven't obtained in medical school. When the world is swirling around me and people are everywhere and I'm constantly having to be "on", I'm fully engaged in my life here.

But it's nights like tonight, where it's just me, that I crave that home. That little room that I shared with two dear friends on that campus that always felt safe, in that city that was busy in a way in which no one was really in a hurry to get anywhere.

Thank you for remembering that I'm a person too

Patients desire their healthcare workers to treat them like humans. I am the first to understand this importance. My family was blessed with incredible doctors, nurses and others who took care of my brother and our family, who explained and who sympathized and who treated our family like human beings.

But there's something to be said for patients treating their healthcare professionals like humans too. I didn't realize it until I was taking care of this gentleman with end stage lung cancer. Our team almost fought over who got to see him. He might be the only patient on our service who had every one of the residents come and visit him in the morning. I tried to explain it later that day, and the only way I could, was to say that this man and his wife treated us like people. There was no fast interview. Before I could get any questions out about shortness of breath, they were asking questions about me and how I was doing. It was actually awkward at first. He was so active and at peace with where he was in life. His goal was to maintain mobility. His wife's goal was to love him and surround him by family. They were realistic and didn't expect us to be miracle workers. As selfish as it sounds, they invested in us and it was profound.